my best friend's wedding (literally)

is it healthy to feel sad when of your bestest best friends is finally walking down the altar and saying her i do? my best friend of many years -- someone who i grew up with and shared the best times with -- is getting married at the end of the month. i oddly feel sad about it when i should really be genuinely happy that she got a second stab at great love after losing her first one (?) to death. eric, one of the greatest love of her life, died just when they were planning to get married as well. i believe she's very happy with her man at the moment because sometime soon, she will start to live "the rest of her life" with him.

i barely know the guy. only met him once -- two christmases ago i guess. god, i can't even remember how he looks like. but i pray to god that he is a good man and the decision for a lifetime commitment is correct to begin with. as another friend (who's also going to be married in february) told me that marriage is a calculated risk we will take (in our own respective time of course).

why am i sad is the question. maybe because i've always seen in my best friend the person which i am not. she is matipid, i am a big spender. she is very very understanding, i am very impatient and stubborn. she is always practical and logical, i am crazy. man, she loves statistics when i barely passed my stat 101 in college! but between these differences, we managed to build a special friendship which nobody understood but us.

it doesn't matter if we don't see each other very much because we understand the lives we are leading. it doesn't matter who we are with at certain times because we are confident that we have each other who truly cares. it doesn't matter how far we've gone in our separate ways because we know in our hearts, we live in parallel universes.

i am afraid i am losing that someone in the process. i know my critic, confidant and companion will now be someone else's. her priorities will be different. her outlook will change along the way. i am afraid i can't keep up with it (man, i don't think i can stand talking about household priorities, making enough money for the family or breast feeding). because for the carefree bird that i am, i will always be flying high above all those typical marriage things.

or maybe, just maybe, i am sad because i can't be her bridesmaid during her most special day.