moving out

i am a very fickle-minded person and i tend to move around so much.

so. i am leaving blogger and will be in livejournal for the time being. see you guys there.

to fink varna

nakuha ko 'to sa web. naisip ko, tamang tama para sa iyo. walang source ung article pero di ko 'to inaangkin. feeling ko galing 'to sa peyups. pahiram ha?

*******
Ilang ulit na bang nangyari sa iyo ito? Ngayon ang kasal ng pinsan mo.
Heto ka ang ganda-ganda mo. Naghanda ka talaga dahil minsan-minsan lang ang okasyon sa pamilya nyo. Kadalasan sa mga lamay na lang kayo nagkikita-kita so ngayong kasal ng pinsan mo, gusto mo namang maging maganda at mapansin nila. Aba, napansin ka nga. Ganito ang
tanong ng lahat ng kaanak mo sa iyo..."O ikaw kelan ka ikakasal?" "Uy, ikaw na ang susunod ano?" Parang gusto mo na sa susunod na lamay sila naman ang sabihan mo ng "Ikaw, kelan ka susunod?"

Huwag kang malungkot. Ito gusto nga kitang sumaya kaya sinulat ko ito. Hindi ka dapat malungkot dahil maraming posibleng dahilan bakit hindi ka pakinakasal hanggang ngayon.
Hayaan mo silang mainip sa paghihintay. Basta kung okay ka, okay ka. Hayaan mo tulungan kita
mag-isip kung bakit wala ka pa ring asawa hanggang ngayon. Naisip ko na 'yan eh.

Ito ang sampung dahilan bakit wala pa.

1. Kailangan mong mag-concentrate sa career. Hindi na uso ang mga babaeng pambahay ngayon. Kalimitan meron ng tinatawag na career. Habang hindi ka pa tinatamaan ng palaso ni kupido, hamo na munang mag-concentrate ka sa trabaho mo. Kailangan mong ma-achieve ang
full potential mo bago ka mag-asawa, kasi 'pag nag-asawa ka na, tanggapin na natin, iba na ang
mga prioridad mo sa buhay. Lagi ng mauuna ang pamilya. Habang feel mo pang lumaban ng
lumaban sa rat race at umakyat ng umakyat sa corporate ladder, huwag mong panghinayangan na wala ka pang sariling pamilya.

2. Masyadong mataas ang standards mo. Ibaba mo kasi ng konti, baka naman kahit si Rizal hindi ma-achieve yung standards mo. Tandaan mo, si Rizal kahit na bayani medyo babaero din.
Walang taong perpekto. Kahit naman ikaw di ba? Meron ka ding kapintasan? Baba mo ng konti,
yung makatarungang pamantayan lang. Baka naman naghahanap ka ng Richard Gomez eh Pokwang na Pokwang naman ang dating mo. Lumagay ka lang sa dapat mong kalagyan. Baka
naman naghahanap ka ng kasing yaman ni Zobel eh ikaw naman eh pobre din lang naman. Huwag. Huwag ganoon. Para kang g**o non. Baka naman naghahanap ka ng smart, na gwapong, mayaman. Ate, kung ganon ang hanap mo, malamang tatandang dalaga ka na talaga. Di lahat binibigay ni Lord. Di bale kung salat sa face value, babawi na lang siguro yung sa bait at sa
talino. Kung puro face value naman, at salat sa kaalaman or masama ang ugali, manalig ka na lang na baka pag pinakain mo ng gulay tumalino or ito the best, lahat naman ng tao nagbabago. Pwede pa 'yan bumait.

3. Hindi ka lumalabas ng bahay. O baka lumalabas ka nga ng bahay, sa opisina lang naman ang punta mo. Huwag ganon. Sumama ka sa mga kaibigan mo, mag-mall ka, magsimba ka, mag-outreach program ka. Huwag mong panisin ang sarili mo sa bahay dahil wala talagang makakapansin sas iyo sa bahay. Mag-aral ka ng painting, voice lessons at Yoga. Imaginin mo kung magka-boyfriend ka na Yoga master? or di kaya, chef. O di ba cool 'yun? Magliwaliw ka sa bookstores, sa coffee shops, at kung saan-saan pang mataong lugar. Baka sakali mapansin ka doon.

4. Ba ka naman sobrang tapang mo. Oo nga naman, baka naman sobrang masungit ka at natatakot sa iyo ang mga potential suitors mo. Baka dapat kang maging approachable ng konti. Baka masyadong maangas ang dating mo imbis na matuwa sa iyo matakot. Baka sobrang independent mo, at parang mabubuhay ka ng wala silang lahat. Minsan may epekto rin 'yan. Baka sobrang talino ng dating mo pakiramdam nila mababara lang sila or baka 'pag pinadalhanka ng love letter eh i-edit mo ng red ink pen. Magkunwari ka kayang t**** minsan-minsan, tingin mo?

5. Baka naman kasi losyang ka. Oo nga naman, mag-ayos ka paminsan-minsan kaya lang kung pangit ka, pangit ka talaga. No amount of make up can change that. Pero at least pwede ma-enhance ng konti.

6. Baka naman hinahanapan pa ni Lord ng ribbon ang para sa iyo. Natatandaan ko ang sabi ng kaibigan ko. Blessing daw from the Lord ang mga girlfriends/boyfriends. O eh baka naman hinahanapan pa ni Lord ng magandang ribbon yung regalo mo. Kasi baka daw 'pag hindi maganda ang packaging i-reject mo.

7. Baka naman nagtitipid sa toll fee yung para sa iyo. Malay mo kasi taga-Norte yung para sa iyo eh mahal naman ang toll fee. Baka nagtitipid dumaan sa walang toll kaya medyo natatagalan.

8. Baka naglakad yung para sa iyo. Parating na 'yon kaya lang mahal ang gasolina so naglakad na lang papunta sa iyo. Besides, walking is good for the heart daw. Baka sa kakalakad naligaw na. Ito pa namang mga lalaking ito, hindi magtatanong kung hindi pakiramdam nila naliligaw na sila.

9. Baka naman sadyang torpe lang yung para sa iyo. Baka naman nag-iipon pa ng lakas ng loob o di kaya nag-iisip pa ng magandang tiyempo. Baka talagang hindi lang siya makapag-salita dahil sobrang mahiyain niya. Baka naman dapat makiramdam ka rin ng konti kasi talagang deadma ang dating nito. Baka dapat tinatanong ng unti-unti.

10. Baka naman talagang for single blessedness ka. Ipagdasal mo. Baka naman kasi pinapagod mo ang sarili mong kakaisip bakit you're still single eh hindi naman kasi marriage ang plan ni Lord for you. Paminsan-minsan magtanong ka kasi sa Kanya baka naman ikaw ang naliligaw. Baka naman ikaw ang nagtitipid. Baka naman kasi ikaw ang torpe. Baka naman kasi ikaw ang
problema.

Gasgas man, pero sasabihin ko pa rin. Darating Din Yun. Kung para sa iyo, para sa iyo. Kahit iwasan mo, para talaga sa iyo.

*****
Syempre hindi lahat ng naka lagay sa itaas ay akma sa 'yo. Gusto lang kita patawanin. :D

warning: this entry is so dramax. you might want to give up reading now.

my mind has been full of cobwebs since last week. i walk and talk like i've been in asylum for months. i have bruised myself twice -- banging in railings and i don't know where else. the cobwebs have piled up i guess. and being away from the people you can actually cry to and pour your heart on are miles away from you is no help at all. and it doesn't fucking help that your boyfriend cuts you in the middle of being emo and tell you it's non sense.

i resorted to being quiet at least. my mind might find comfort in silence. it might be able to strategize well. it might be able to sort things that i usually organize with a pen and a paper.

my articles are put on hold at the moment. i can't find the inspiration to write. good thing i am leaving for pattaya tomorrow. it might be a good respite.

and while in pattaya, i will swing by for an interview in one of the hotels there. i applied for a PR post slash marketing job. this too, is part of the cobwebs constantly bringing my mind in a daze.

i can feel i am floating. and i don't know where i am going. tell me, do i need a therapist? or friends will do?

best news!

as i was idly going about my daily internet regimen, i received a message in my chikka from my mom.

we are booked in a flight on march 2 going to bangkok. we are flying with michee. flying back to manila on march 9.

this is the best news i've had for days. and they are going to bring cooked adobo and sisig for me! isn't that just adobrable?

i can't wait for march. good thing 3 days are chopped off february. whoever thought putting 28 days in february i will give a big hug and kiss. i think i'm gonna file for a leave when they come over!

the countdown starts today. *put a big smile here*

musings of a petiks employee

1. Do you like Chinese food?
++ i like it when i need an overload of msg. sometimes i crave for dimsums too!

2. How big is your bed?
++ queen size. big enough for two to wrestle.

3. Is your room clean?
++ it is kept clean by someone. but to me, it is just organized chaos.

4. Laptop or Desktop computer?
++ desktop in the office. laptop at home.

5. Favorite comedian?
++ lots. i'm a sucker for comedy.

6. Do you like yourself?
++ yes. sometimes i do.

7. Does anyone like you?
++ i think my friends like me. there are some maybe who hates me. but who the hell cares?

8.. Sleep with or without clothes on?
++ with.

9. Who sleeps with you every night?
++ ;p

10. Do long distance relationships work?
++ I'd like to believe it does.

11. How many times have you beenpulled over by the police?
++ none yet. but i remember being pulled over by the highway police for turning over multiple cards (but don was driving then).

12. Pancakes or French Toast?
++ pancakes with fruits. yum.

13. Do you like coffee?
++ nope. down with starbucks! but i get to go to buy these horribly marked up coffee when getting together with friends.

14. How do you like your eggs?
++ sunny side up!

15. Do you believe in astrology?
++ there was a time i did. horoscopes made my days then.

16. Last person you talked to on the phone?
++ hmmm... i don't know.

17. Last person on your missed call list?
++ si don.

18. What was the last text message you
received?
++ from kin, some sorta ranting about work.

19. McDonalds or Burger King?
++ i like mcdonald's for their cheeseburgers. and burger king for their onion rings.

20. Number of pillows?
++ 2 pillows. 1 bolster pillow.

21. Last thing you ate?
++ tom yam and fried chicken for lunch.

22. Last thing you bought?
++ books! we went to a second hand bookstore nearby and got a hell lot of books!

23. What are you wearing right now?
++ replay pants and tee

24. Pick a lyric, any lyric or song?
++ and everything is all yellow.

25. What kind of spread do you like on your sandwich?
++ peanut butter, tuna spread

26. Can you play pool?
++ unfortunately, no.

27. Do you know how to swim?
++ yup. learned when i was five. took formal lessons as p.e. in high school.

28. Favorite ice cream flavor?
++ turkish coffee from swensen.

29. Spin the bottle?
++ ?

30. Ever attended a theme party?
++ yup.. fun parties.

31. Ever do a keg[leg] stand?
++ nope

32. Craziest place you've slept after a night of drinking?
++ the bathroom -- was tired puking.

33. What is your favorite season?
++ i like the december-january because of comfortable weather

34. What is the first music video you ever saw?
++ fuck. i don't remember

35. Favorite phrase:
++ carpe diem. seize the day. i did and always will.

36. Where is your favorite saturday hangout?
++ mall. anywhere out.

37. What time did you wake up this morning?
++ 8 am

38. Woke up next to anyone?
++ yes.

39. Best thing about Summer?
++ beach and tan lines

40. Name a couple of favorite colors:
++ red, yellow

41. How old are you?
++ a quarter century old this year

42. What month is your birthday in?
++ september

43. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated?
++ overrated

44. Favorite song?
++ dami eh.

45. What are you doing this week?
++ the week's about to end. chinese new year party maybe. and a weekend out.

faith and things in between

i am not a very religious person. yes, yes, i went to a catholic school in grade school. i stopped going to church when i had no one to go hear a mass with. i eventually found preparing for sunday mass a drab chore -- dressing up to meet people who, however fabulous you think you are, will still find some flaw with you. either you have grown too much or your gradeschool classmates are far more successful than you are. and what else, the very next day, laman ka ng chismis sa subdivision or sa parish or sa sari-sarili nilang pamilya.

that's why i opt to pray at night before i go to sleep. no, i don't pray the rosary because it makes me sleep. i just talk to god -- thank him, say sorry for the bad things i've done and ask for guidance. i talk to god when the lights are out and everyone seems to be in deep slumber. that is how i express faith.

surprisingly though, i have attended two consecutive sunday service here in bangkok. man, of all places, sa isang buddhist country pa ako nag sisimba. maybe because church very much reminds me of home. it is something very familiar and close to heart. i sing my heart out because everyone else does. i listen to the homily and not yawn in between. i have yet to take a communion because i need to confess first. that will have to follow when i feel like it. and maybe because no one's forcing me to attend mass. i go there because i want to. i go there because i want god to know i am still in.

and i go there because i'm praying for guidance. and for my brother pao to graduate. hee.

my best friend's wedding (literally)

is it healthy to feel sad when of your bestest best friends is finally walking down the altar and saying her i do? my best friend of many years -- someone who i grew up with and shared the best times with -- is getting married at the end of the month. i oddly feel sad about it when i should really be genuinely happy that she got a second stab at great love after losing her first one (?) to death. eric, one of the greatest love of her life, died just when they were planning to get married as well. i believe she's very happy with her man at the moment because sometime soon, she will start to live "the rest of her life" with him.

i barely know the guy. only met him once -- two christmases ago i guess. god, i can't even remember how he looks like. but i pray to god that he is a good man and the decision for a lifetime commitment is correct to begin with. as another friend (who's also going to be married in february) told me that marriage is a calculated risk we will take (in our own respective time of course).

why am i sad is the question. maybe because i've always seen in my best friend the person which i am not. she is matipid, i am a big spender. she is very very understanding, i am very impatient and stubborn. she is always practical and logical, i am crazy. man, she loves statistics when i barely passed my stat 101 in college! but between these differences, we managed to build a special friendship which nobody understood but us.

it doesn't matter if we don't see each other very much because we understand the lives we are leading. it doesn't matter who we are with at certain times because we are confident that we have each other who truly cares. it doesn't matter how far we've gone in our separate ways because we know in our hearts, we live in parallel universes.

i am afraid i am losing that someone in the process. i know my critic, confidant and companion will now be someone else's. her priorities will be different. her outlook will change along the way. i am afraid i can't keep up with it (man, i don't think i can stand talking about household priorities, making enough money for the family or breast feeding). because for the carefree bird that i am, i will always be flying high above all those typical marriage things.

or maybe, just maybe, i am sad because i can't be her bridesmaid during her most special day.